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As my knowledge of Mac's at the moment is miniscule, and I feel I must try and contribute at least something to this great site, please see below!
Awarded to those people who in order to improve the quality of stock in the human gene pool, have removed themselves from it.
As always, competition this year has been keen... The candidates this year are....
****************************************
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
****************************************
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.
**************************************
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipmen almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
**********************************************
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
**************************************************
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
*******************************************
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in
Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his
lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid
choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop
specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3 To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked
police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police
officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE,
assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of
whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No
one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
************************************************
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was
closed.
***********************************************
RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA.
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is
that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
************************************************** ***********
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels
on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at
least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Sh-t happens!
Awarded to those people who in order to improve the quality of stock in the human gene pool, have removed themselves from it.
As always, competition this year has been keen... The candidates this year are....
****************************************
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
****************************************
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.
**************************************
Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy
equipmen almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
**********************************************
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in
his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.
**************************************************
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del,
as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
*******************************************
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in
Washington, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his
lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid
choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop
specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3 To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked
police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police
officer with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a .50 DESERT EAGLE,
assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of
whom also fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No
one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.
************************************************
HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ,
and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of
dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was
closed.
***********************************************
RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA.
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil
of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water
and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is
that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
************************************************** ***********
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn,
Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative
and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels
on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik
Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at
least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Sh-t happens!
